Let’s Talk

What is your communication style? Are you having healthy, engaging conversations with your partner, friends, coworkers?  Everybody just wants to be heard. Unfortunately, in an effort to do this, many people utilize an unhealthy mode of communicating. You may end up heard but you leave the other person feeling hurt, pushed away or angry.

If you are an aggressive communicator you tend to be demanding, abrasive or hostile. You are intimidating and punish others when you do not get your way.  You tend to feel righteous or superior at the time and possibly guilty later. When you communicate in this manner you leave the other person feeling hurt, angry or humiliated. This makes it hard for others to trust you and possibly vengeful towards you.

If you are a passive communicator than you are likely unaware of your own thoughts and feelings. They get buried so deep inside that the other person would never know! ‘People pleaser’s’ tend to fall in this category because you feel guilty imposing on others and attempt to avoid this at all costs.  This style can lead to resentment later because you end up doing things you do not necessarily want to do. Communicating in this manner leaves the other person feeling superior and possibly irritated that they are not receiving a clear and direct response.

If you are a passive aggressive communicator you express angry and aggressive feelings in a covert fashion through passive resistance instead of openly confronting an issue. When you communicate in this manner you seldom get what you want because you never get it across.  You leave the other person feeling incredibly frustrated, angry or hopeless.

If you are an assertive communicator you are able to express your feelings, ask for what you want and say ‘no’ when needed. You communicate honestly and directly while maintaining respect and consideration for others. If you can stand up for yourself without feeling guilty than you are an assertive communicator!  Your confidence leaves the other person feeling valued and respected so they will respect you in return.

So take some time to think about your relationships. Are they working? If not, you may want to re-evaluate your communication style!