-Matt O

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“I am no longer dwelling on old memories. I am creating new memories. I am well.”

My name is Matt. I have been a firefighter for 22 years. The beginning of last year was tremendously difficult for me. I had suffered significant losses in my life. I was also reeling from some devastating losses at work. There was a single incident where we were unable to save the life of a child and it became tremendously difficult for me. Something I hadn’t ever experienced. This event had me recalling so many other significant losses on the job and in my family that I had thought I’d successfully moved on from and dealt with. I was scared. I realized that I hadn’t really ever dealt with anything.

I went the entire month of November where I cried every day. I lost 20 pounds, couldn’t sleep. Some days I was sad, for my family, for losses at work, for friends. Some days I was just confused. Some days I had no idea why, I just felt lost. Really lost. It scared me because I had never been in a position like that before and I had no idea how to extricate myself from it. I hadn’t made it to the point of suicidal but I had absolutely no interest in being alive. It was a bad place to be.

I knew that whatever was wrong was something that I needed guidance for. Laura was recommended to me. I called Laura Farrar and she called back immediately. I couldn’t tell my story without crying. I was glad that she couldn’t see me, I was in a lot of ways embarrassed. She understood right away that I was panicked and needed care. She instantly made time for me.

I was really afraid of taking this step. I am 43 years old and have been a part of the firefighter culture of shouldering your burdens my whole life. I was ashamed but also realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I had not told the thoughts that were innermost to me to anybody, not even my wife of 22 years. I realized soon after that I needn’t be afraid. She was truly perceptive and recognized that along with the grief that I needed to work through and the tragic events at my job, there was more that I needed help with. Some things that were beyond my awareness but not Laura’s. Laura Farrar has introduced me to an experience of self discovery that I couldn’t have found on my own. She showed me how to access all of these things. She showed me how to make sense of everything. Her approach worked physically, spiritually and emotionally.

I realize now that true strength is not in shouldering my burden, but in letting go and asking for help. I was able to open up to her simply because I saw that she truly cared. She has always been available to me in the times when my life was the hardest.

I trust her completely.

Today I understand much better just how much control I have over the way I feel. I realize that I can not control everything that happens to me or to those that I love. That’s life. Laura has taught me that I do have control over how I feel about life. That truly is up to me. While I know that life can and will bring many difficult challenges both personally and professionally, I feel like I have the key to protect myself. Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel safe.

I am no longer dwelling on old memories. I am creating new memories. I have a real understanding of just how important “right now” is. She has helped me get to a place where the past no longer hurts me. I am excited about my future. I am well 🙂

Words aren’t enough to repay her but they are what I have. There are times in everyone’s life when we meet someone who we are simply better for having met. Laura Farrar is that person for me. I would recommend Laura to anyone knowing that I am offering someone a gift that will change their life.
-Matt O.